3 Things I Learned on Tour

Adults are kinda lame. (Sorry, grown-ups.) When I arrived and left, I was greeted with excited cheers and I suspect at least 50 percent of them had no idea who I was. They were just thrilled to miss class and loved me for it. But it’s a win-win situation. I pretend I’m a super-celebrity, they pretend they love me, and no one is the wiser. This doesn’t happen when I speak to adults. They just, like, sit there. At one point during the tour, I was asked to draw a pickle Godzilla. Adults never ask me to draw pickle Godzillas.

Wrinkle release spray can be used as perfume if your body spray is confiscated by airport security. Word to the wise: The scent doesn’t last long.

Hand sanitizer is the most important product ever created. When you’re skipping across the country and visiting thousands of kids, you don’t want to get sick. But going in and out of airports and schools exposes you to five bazillion germs. That’s just an estimate. Have you ever noticed how often people cough, sneeze, or sniffle? ALL THE TIME.

I bet at least one person in this photo sneezed on me when I wasn’t paying attention:

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