One day I was editing a fiction manuscript when I came across this: “Suddenly, He stopped and …” I rubbed my eyes. Did a double-take. He, as in big-H? Had Jesus/God suddenly appeared in this novel, or were my eyes deceiving me?

No, my friends, it was not Jesus/God. It was an attack of Random Capitalization (big-R and big-C, for the whole ironical effect).

I don’t understand random capitalization. You’re writing. You come across a word that is neither A) the beginning of a sentence nor B) a proper noun, but rather than leave said word in the little-w universe where it belongs, you decide to throw convention out the window and Capitalize for No Apparent Reason Whatsoever. Why? For the good of all that is holy, why?

Sure, clever capitalization comes in handy sometimes. [See paragraphs 2 and 3]. That aside, however, why would anyone capitalize the word “dog” here? Or “health & hygiene”? Are “Health” and “Hygiene” actual people with a vested interest in waste left behind by a dog named Dog?