I always knew there was something off about the Bieb. I don’t feel strongly about his music either way (mostly because I’m not sure what music he made after Baby), but there’s definitely something different about him. After his recent arrest, I realized what it was:
Justin Bieber is a time traveler from the 1950s.
Sounds crazy, I know—but is it crazier than this viral video of a woman using a cell phone in 1938? I think not.
First off, there’s his much-beloved pompadour. C’mon, folks. It’s coiffed to perfection. Say what you will about the Bieb, but his pompadour is spectacular, right? Maybe too spectacular for a boy “born in 1994”?
A pompadour isn’t the best evidence, I know. Let’s face it, a pompadour is a lot of things, but it’s not scientific. So let’s talk about his stature.
Human beings have been growing steadily over the past several decades, particularly since the middle of the 20th century. As a group, we’ve gotten taller, stronger, and, yes, wider. All except the Bieb. (Okay, maybe he’s gotten stronger; I think he goes to the gym and stuff). But he’s still only 5’6-ish, and the average height of a modern, healthy man is 5’10. Why hasn’t the Bieb fallen victim to the same artificial growth hormones that the rest of us have been ingesting in all our processed foods for the past twenty years? I ask you.
And then there’s his hobbies. He was arrested for drag racing, for Chrissakes. How much more 1950s can you get?
This is just conjecture, of course. But I’m not the only one who’s noticed it.